5 Times Basch Has Had A Sinking Feeling
by Mariagoner
Summary: Surely no mere man could live so long and be so good-looking with surprises confronting him constantly... Fran/Basch, Vossler/Basch, Ashe/Basch, Penelo/Basch, Larsa/Penelo, Vaan, Basch/World/Orgy.


This will probably be one of the last FFXII ficlets I ever write. But at least I'll go on a porny note? ;)

**Title: 5 Times Basch Has Had A Sinking Feeling About What Was Happening  
Fandom: Final Fantasy XII  
Characters/Pairings: Fran/Basch, Vossler/Basch, Ashe/Basch, Penelo/Basch, Larsa/Penelo, Vaan, Basch/World/Orgy  
Rating: R  
Summary: Surely no mere man could live so long and be so good-looking with surprises confronting him constantly...**

* * *

1.

"Lean starboard," Fran murmured, coming forward with paint tinting the delicate tips of her claws and splattered over her arm. "If you do not flinch, we can accomplish this with a minimum of harm to your body."

"Unlike," she added, as her tips grew near and began to trace Basch's skin, "that one moment where Balthier attempted to do this inebriated. It took days for the moogles to scrub the traces off."

Suddenly, Basch had a sinking feeling about what was happening.

* * *

2.

"So you see," the empress of Archadia went on, "if there's one thing I've learned from this godforsaken empire, it's that you've got to give the people what they want when you're down on, uh, _bended_ knee. And you-- you're not just an ordinary man to them. You're Basch fon Ronsenberg-- _the_ Basch fon Ronsenberg. The Man. The Legend. The Paragon That Fell From Their Lofty Esteem. You're a man who's been more sinned against than sinner but after so many years, they can't trust you quite so quickly. No, Basch-- you have _got_ to find a way to sway them to your side ahead of time. You have to make _sacrifices_ here. Very, um, hard ones, I know. But ones that still need fulfilling. For the sake of every innocent man, woman and child in the nation!"

"So making my apology to the Dalmascan people," Basch slowly murmured, still trying to think it all over, "would go better if I did it clad very... lightly?"

Penelo just grinned.

"Oh, Uncle Basch... I just _knew_ you'd catch on eventually!"

Suddenly, Basch had a sinking feeling about what was happening.

* * *

3.

In retrospect, just as the situation began to sink in, Basch had the damndest thought about how this, of all things, was something that wasn't really occurring to him _per se_ was perhaps a hold-over of something that had began with his much mourned colleague Vossler, during those years when he himself had not been able to move freely and his friend had lived in secrecy.

If nothing else, Vossler would have appreciated the current goings on more thn he did-- what with the silky set of legs wrapped around his waist, even as ropes tied back his twitching fingers and forced him to watching breathlessly as another pair of hands make their way down his trembling chest with the deliberate intensity of a vampire pacing out the consumption of a victim carefully.

And frankly, under most circumstances, Basch had the feeling he might well have enjoyed this scenario quite as much as his long-departed friend would have. It was merely the time (six months after his regrettable judgehood), the place (in the private galleys of Dalmasca, on a visiting tour) and the person (who Vossler would have _really_ enjoyed) that sadly had him too wound up to enjoy what would normally please him greatly.

Especially when the person who he would have enjoyed this with had taken it upon herself to bring a whip into the proceedings.

"My lady," he all but gasped, trying to hold his modesty to him with the desperation of a man about to fall overboard a ship during a storm. "We cannot-- at least-- not without the proper protection-- surely you cannot mean--"

In response, the Queen of Dalmasca merely made a thoughtful face and tapped her weapon's hilt against her thigh... just before a certain demonic glint came back to her visage. "Too true, my dear knight, that all too true. But lacking proper contraception, all we can do is abort entry before too long. However, this might mean that we can finally put that cat ear hood and that ribbon to use in tandem now... God knows those items have barely been touched ever since I put them in the treasury..."

Suddenly, Basch had a sinking feeling about what was happening.

* * *

4. "Are you sure," Basch began with uncharacteristic hesitancy, "that this is the proper way to dress for the occasion? I mean... given the fact that we are all but striding into with powerfully, er, globular enemies here?"

"I don't know what you're complaining about," Vaan grumbled, already tugging on the pink scandal of a skirt that Basch was grateful he hadn't been forced to deal with. "Actually, I think you're lucky that you ended up with the outfit you did. At least it'll actually cover most of your fricking-fracking rear."

"Unlike the burden I've been forced to associate with due to an even longer association," Balthier pointed out, though Basch noted how easily he seemed to tug the metal of his partner's underpants on to its terrifyingly proper place. "Be glad that girl is enough sweet on you to lend you her ward-robe against this ridiculous mark and put on that jump-suit already. We've got a passel of rogue jellies to wrangle already and the ladies have refused to do their duty quite definitely."

Suddenly Basch had a sinking feeling about what was happening.

* * *

5.

Basch pondered deeply for a minute, wondering how to extract himself from the situation without having to actually humiliate himself in front of what currently seemed to be half the known world.

Luckily, the answer came in just another moment. And his brother had always laughed at him for taking the study of mathematics so seriously.

"So if we try to set an alpha ratio to the attractiveness of my body while also attempting to set up a frequency table to deduce whether or not people most enjoy the site of my sturdy chest, my godlike face, my muscular arms or my incredible thighs, while also attempting to do an ANOVA to test between-subject preferences and estimating marginal means to eliminate all other possibilities... we might finally have a shot at answering the age-old question of what people find most appealing about me."

"..." said Penelo.

"...?" said Vaan.

"...!" said Balthier.

Ashe, most ominously, had little to no reaction whatsoever.

And after flicking a quick look at her, Vossler just settled for a long, slow sigh. "Simply strip bare, Captain, and let us decide for ourselves."

Suddenly, Basch had a sinking feeling about what was happening.

* * *


End file.
